LOVING TRULY: Avoiding the Entitlement Trap in Preschoolers
A sense of entitlement among Singaporeans is not only real, it is growing in our culture today. Parents lament that children expect so much and when real life doesn’t meet expectations, the children feel anger and resentment. For such children, offenses come quickly. Instead of compassion, it is easy to be arrogant and see others as lesser beings. It is difficult for entitled children to forgive and easy to hold grudges and make exception for their own behaviours.
Understanding Entitlement
Preschoolers are naturally self-centred – the world revolves around them. It is part of normal psychological development. Giving to children is a natural way for parents to care. But if they give when it is not appropriate or is excessive, a problem is created. Anger and resentment can arise when perks are considered what children deserve without working for them. Catching the problem early is therefore a good idea. How can parents and preschoolers reverse this entitlement to an attitude of empathy and helpfulness?
Role of Parents
It is important for children to be placed in a loving environment where teachers model humility and care for others. At Bethesda Depot Walk Kindergarten, the care between teachers and their charges is mutual with 6-year-old Ruth. "There was once during bedtime prayer, Ruth shared that her teacher was injured and actually prayed for her teacher out of her own accord. A child who is well loved learns to love and care for others.” Mrs Chen, mother of Ruth.
“As a family, we try not to be “child-centred” but more family centred. We keep to a simple lifestyle and do not encourage a sense of entitlement,” says Mrs Chen.
Putting others before self
She shares, “The children do not go to “paid” theme parks and hardly get new clothes or toys except when their grandparents or family friends buy them. They are expected to pick up after themselves, help in chores where required and to be responsible in the use of resources. They are also encouraged to pray as well as to be a companion to others in need. For example, Ruth’s grandpa journeyed through 4 years with cancer and the children learnt to pray for healing and strength for their grandpa regularly as well as other relatives/people who are sick.
Our love is expressed through spending quality time with them; reading is a bedtime ritual, and our simple leisure activities include going to playgrounds and parks.”
Role of Preschools: How teachers encourage gratitude and humility
The teachers in school have created a loving environment where her tendency to help and to be caring towards others is affirmed. Mrs Chan Lai Youk, Principal shares the importance of setting this environment. “The secular culture we live in, saturates us with the message that ME is important. I deserve…I want…I will be happy if…, I can’t live without…That’s what advertisers do to sell their products. Parents need to learn to say no and know when to say it. At school and at home we want to teach children that they are are who they are because of how they treat others and not because of what they have. Friends remember us because of our character. So, we emphasise the importance of a good character by highlighting and rewarding those who are helpful, shows empathy, appreciation of others, respectful and are truthful. It is those with a good character that we look up to lead us. These are the future leaders that we hope to hone in Bethesda Depot Walk Preschool .”
Ruth being encouraged to be helpful and caring
A partnership that works
‘Imparting values to our children is obviously a big group effort; through family life, through Sunday School as well as being immersed in a culture of Christian values in their preschool. Each aspect builds up and adds to the greater mission of bringing up children with Christian character.’ Mrs Chen, mother of Ruth
[1] https://pride.kindness.sg/tyrant-toddlers-were-raising-a-generation-of-entitled-children-and-it-needs-to-stop/